MOM ON WHEELS IBD

Sinopse

Today is a pretty good day to die.áThose were Marjorie AunosâÇÖs thoughts as her car hit black ice and spun out of control toward an oncoming truck. As she waited for paramedics to extricate her from the mangled wreck, unable to feel anything below her neck, she pictured her sixteen-month-old son. And decided to live.ááSo began the most challenging chapter in the life of this overachieving psychologist and single parent, whose lifeâÇÖs work had been to advocate for parents with intellectual disabilities to help them keep custody of their children. MarjorieâÇÖs spinal cord injury thrust her into a life as a newly-disabled parent, experiencing first hand the barriers and discrimination sheâÇÖd witnessed for others.áShe became one of those moms who wondered when child welfare officials would knock on the door with an apprehension order for her to give up her child.ááIn a remarkably short few months, determined not to let the accident take her professional identity, Marjorie returned to work-in her wheelchair. There, the strategies that had served her well before were ineffective. In fact, they were making things worse.áAs a clinical psychologist, she told herself...She should have been able to prevent her own depression, anxiety, and post-trauma.áShe should have been able to reframe and rehabilitate herself.áShe should have gone into post-traumatic growth and not post-traumatic disorder.áThe should-haves fuelled deep shame and disappointment, which, in turn, increased her suffering.ááBut there were even bigger challenges.ááFive days after the accident, she asked her parents to bring her son to the hospital. Thomas was frightened by the tubes and beeping machines. He refused to touch her, hug her, or sit beside her. Marjorie felt hurt that she couldnâÇÖt be there for him and that he kept turning to his grandma for comfort.áFor years sheâÇÖd dreamed about becoming a mother-not just any mother, but a great mother. An active mother, a role model mother. Marjorie plunged further into helplessness and powerlessness, her concept of perfect motherhood shattered on that Quebec roadway. And the child sheâÇÖd worked so hard for being taken care of by others in a way that she couldnâÇÖt.áHow can you be a good parent if you canâÇÖt bend down to tie your childâÇÖs shoes or scoop them into your arms for a hug or keep them safe at bath time without supervision? Does this make you a bad parent?áBetween physical therapy rehabilitation, new day-to-day logistics, battles with an insurance company, ongoing physical pain and pain management, Marjorie had to start over as a parent too.áAnd she did. Giving her PTSD time to heal, Marjorie mastered co-parenting 101 with her parents, prioritizing self-care, and-something sheâÇÖd never done before as an overachiever-learned how to ask for help because parenting is hard work.áMarjorie finally accepted about herself what she believed about her former clients, those parents with disabilities: she may roll differently to-and with-her son but she already knew how to be a good parent.á